The J Man Has to be Embarrassed

I always say that if you are going to go big, you gotta go Big Church. However, before we hit up the house of God it is time to return to Match.com. I just got “winked at” by a 29 year-old woman. Let me first say that I think she mis-read her birth certificate because there is no way this woman is 29- no way. She has enough wrinkles in her face to be a stand-in for the Grand Canyon. She just finished reading Harry Potter and she enjoys hiking and Yoga. She cast a pretty wide net as her heights and weights were everything from a skinny midget to Hulk Hogan (brother).

Now that we nixed that it is off to my favorite website, BigChurch.com. I swear, the laughs here never stop. Some of my !!!NEW MATCHES!!! include:

-An eighteen year-old who is “sick of the same thing”. How can you be sick of the same thing at eighteen? You haven’t seen enough of the same thing to be tired of it, let alone sick of it. Call me when you’re forty.

-One woman had a clever quote that read, “Ask me about the time I got stuck behind the toilet.” You obsess over Jesus and you’re a fucking moron, that is quite the strong one-two punch.

Of course the best part of my favorite website are the blogs. There are the intelligent people, like cocky cocksucker fullofwisdom who says, “God, You are the potter; I am the clay.” Hopefully God will shape him into something with a modicum of intelligence, but I think this guy baked in the kiln too long. But, we have the real intelligentsia of BigChurch over at Ruthsheart’s blog. Here she advises us that, “Many of our young people are being taught that there is no God, no Divine Law, no accountability, no purpose in life, and that they are the result of some primordial, random collision of molecules and descended from apes. Is it any wonder that many have no respect for life, either in the streets or in the womb?” Of course she dreams about drinking “this strong drink (spirit), it is - bitter, sweet and very strong to my mouth and stomach.” It sounds like Ruth really wants to give Jesus oral and that is definitely her prerogative. Of course, jjjireh replied that sometimes he wakes up speaking in tongues, so he gets the fucked up award for the day.