Branson Beauty

I went on one of the strangest hikes of my life yesterday. Still stuck in Branson and not interested in seeing pathetic washed-up “stars” or doing a shopping trip to a shitty outlet mall in Eureka Springs we opted for a hike. Everyone recommended a place called Dogwood Canyon so we drove for a half-hour past trailers and pick up trucks to one of the most beautiful spots in the area. After seeing the sign I was excited it looked rustic, but promised to be a good time. After paying $7.95 for the privilege of walking the trail we set out. For that price I figured we would be climbing up and down hills, in and out of the valley and enjoy some rugged terrain. None of those things happened.

If you have been to Central Park you know the beauty of constructed nature. This is land that was never beautiful, but later made into a dream world of trees, bushes and topiary that enthralled visitors. While it is nature, in many ways it is a faux-nature. There are natural items inside, but they are carefully groomed and taken care of. The strange thing about Dogwood Canyon is that it is set in the middle of a beautiful region, but the owners have taken great pains to remove the nature. The facility sports a 3.2 mile dead-end hike that parallels a stream in a valley. Walking along the valley floor there is a paved path and ninety-five percent of the trees are removed. It feels like a bad slice of suburbia and looked awful. Every few hundred yards were signs that talked about the unique things that happened on site. Dogwood Canyon has fabricated its own interesting history. The extended cab pick-up truck that pulls a trailer full of people too lazy to walk the trail has a loudspeaker so that the driver’s booming voice can be heard telling passengers about the local “artisans” that carefully created the bridge. Another one of their masterpieces can be found inside the Bass Pro Shop in nearby Springfield. The only thing I noticed about the bridge was the strong chemical smell emanating from the stone. Later that day I saw some of the men responsible for spraying down the bridge so that nothing grew on it.

This experience only re-affirmed my belief that we should have visited a state park. It wouldn’t have had the fancy gift shop or the pavement. But, what is the point of nature if it is manicured and stripped? I can visit a nice looking lawn any time I visit the burbs. Perhaps the most ironic statement is that Dogwood Canyon bills itself as having a “devoted love of nature.”